Spring also makes us think about our
mothers as the Mothers’ Day holiday is celebrated in May. The assumption is
that our mothers are alive and well and this occasion offers the chance to
publically express our thanks. Everything is geared to showing Mom how much we
care by giving her flowers, cards, candy and gifts but it can all be quite
painful if we no longer have our mother with us. The holiday compounds our
grief by reminding us of all that we have lost. Last spring my Mother had been gone more than 12 years, yet
I still felt a sad longing to connect with her as Mothers’ Day approached.
We know some
things about grief that help to explain how I could continue to miss my Mother
for such a long time after her death:
· Grief is not a linear process; it is
circular and seasonal
· Grief returns our painful loss to us during
the year on birthdays, holidays, anniversaries of the death and other special
occasions
· A broken heart can be healed when we cry
and shed tears, especially if we gather in groups and can comfort one another
(such as a peer group or a support group)
· Isolation can be healed by remembering
and sharing stories with others who have also suffered a loss and learning that
we are not alone.
So, while missing my Mother last year, I read with interest about a Life Cycle
Celebrant in Oregon named Shae Uisna 
who had created a unique community event called “Motherless
Mother’s Day: A Celebration of Mothers No Longer With Us.” The event was
simple: attendees gathered who had lost their Mothers; they shared stories, photos
and brought a favorite recipe of hers for a pitch-in. They laughed, cried, sampled
tasty dishes, and by the end of the afternoon, their hearts were lighter and
everyone had been introduced to some wonderful and memorable Mothers.
Inspired by Shae, and with her generous blessing
to adapt her concept, I hosted my first Motherless Mothers’ Day in 2015 and participated
in it along with a group of women friends. It was the first time since my mother had died that I
actually enjoyed celebrating Mothers’ Day. Instead of a pitch-in, my group went to a local tea shop and
enjoyed a “High Tea” menu as we told stories of our Mothers; we brought copies
of one of our Mothers’ favorite recipes, along with photos of these special
women who had raised us and shaped our values. We honored them by speaking each of their names while
lighting a candle in her memory, and we individually addressed the question,
“If I could talk to my Mother right now, what’s the one thing I would want to
say to her?” Our responses were
touching, highly personal, inspiring and comforting to ourselves and to one
another.
This unique and lovely event brought
healing and renewal as we collectively befriended our grief and allowed
ourselves to be transformed through a compassionate and caring celebration of
our Mothers’ love that transcended death. A powerful truth
was affirmed for us that afternoon: that as long as we remember our loved ones
who have died, they are never truly lost to us. As an unknown artist once wrote, “The world may classify my
Mother as deceased, but my heart classifies her as immortal.”
Please direct all request, comment or concerns about our CF&I Blog to our Social Media Manager ~ Marcia Almeida, Master Life-Cycle Celebrant. at celebrantsocialmedia@gmail.com Or to the Celebrant Foundation & Institute’s director, Charlotte Eulette at:charlotteeulette@celebrantinstitute.org call us at (973)746-1792.
Elaine Voci is a life coach, specializing in career coaching, in private practice in Carmel, IN and a graduate of the Celebrant Foundation & Institute class of 2014 where she concentrated her studies on funerals. A published author of five books, she has loved rituals and ceremonies since she was a girl. This blog showcases – all the many ways meaning and purpose can be found through rituals, rites and ceremonies. It’s written for fellow Celebrants and for all others who place a value on meaningfulness in daily life experiences, and who delight in marking those passages that bring us through our milestones and adventures of the spirit
